If you look at my face, you can see my heart beat in my eyes
Exhaustion colors me pale and as washed out as the sheets my mother has kept for the last 12 years.
My feet, unseen by you but felt by me, are at war.
Each step a struggle, a reminder, a groan, a scream.
My skin, unlined yet by age but taut with stress and worry,
sags gently around my mouth as you look upon my face at a long days end.
My gaze aimless and empty, as my mind flys to the next few hours to come, plotting my course.
Plotting my steps.
Plotting my final resting place.
Eyebrows untouched by expression stand sentinel.
A silent vigil.
During your casual perusal,
during your casual dismissal,
during your casual departure.
(Feb. 5, 2019)
In May I started a new job and the work reminded me of this poem. I wrote this in my Junior year of college after an especially laborious exec board meeting that came at the end of a truly terrible day. The feeling of fatigue and hopelessness overwhelmed me and I had to do something productive with the energy. With this quarantine and starting a job I don’t like but that I need in order to live, the feelings of this poem are once again true in my life. I understand that this is the experience of many people and I am thankful for the life I have been given that I have only felt this way at a few points in my life. To those who struggle everyday, this poem is for you. While others may casually see and dismiss you, please know that there are even more people who see and appreciate you.